You might think that Anne Taintor is some kind of vacuum-abhorring, kitchen-allergic modern woman and while that may be true, what she “lacks” in domesticity she more than makes up for with love, affection, support, inspiration and humor. A woman who can laugh at 50’s-era misogyny can laugh at just about anything, let me tell you.

Although Anne Taintor did in fact put dinner on the table every night during my childhood I figured out very young that if I wanted any homemade pies and cakes I would have to learn to bake – which I did! Baking is still my lifelong passion and I thank my mom for inspiring me to learn. I am actually the secret-writer of “say it with carbohydrates” (available on this delicious, er, handy shopping bag). The glee on that woman’s face as she proudly lifts that cake only begins to approach my level of obsession with all things baked.

But one of the things I am most grateful to my mom for is not forcing me to bake my own treats, but inspiring me with her hard work and commitment to her business which she started at our kitchen table and grew into a worldwide cultural phenomenon. I grew up always knowing that I could be anything I wanted, that I could start my own business and succeed, that women were powerful, and that I could flawlessly combine motherhood with awesomeness. If there are better lessons for a young lady to learn at her mother’s knee I don’t know what they are.

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank my mom for the best childhood ever and the best mothering ever. And Mom would like me to remind you that there is free shipping on her site through midnight tonight.   And yes, I will be spending Mother’s Day in the kitchen today, because that’s where I really love to be.  Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

Anne Says: “I once had a mother-in-law who did not wholeheartedly approve of me. She tried to convince me to wear her clothes (A-line skirts with little embroidered tennis rackets, polo shirts) when we went to her country club for dinner. I didn’t score any points by demurring and wearing my own voluminous chintz skirts and translucent antique blouses. My sister-in-law informed me that her mother referred to me as “that gypsy.” I had my own private nickname for my mother-in-law.”

We know you will do the classy thing this Mother’s Day and encourage your mate to send his/her mom some flowers, and lovingly sign the card…but maybe you need to reward yourself for your restraint with one of these magnets, coaster sets, or cocktail napkins.

And remember that shipping is still free through Sunday May 13th in honor of our very favorite holiday!

I never did come up with inspiration for a caption… but I came up with the next best thing… the idea to ask you to write the caption.

I thought at first that even you had failed; I read 445 caption submissions before I found one that made me laugh!

But #446, from Julie Potter, made me spit coffee all over the computer monitor.

I guess Julie made a lot of you giggle too, because she is the winner of the April caption contest. Congratulations, Julie!

I read 248 more submissions before I came across this one from Pam Calimlim:

Many of us found the little girl in red deeply disturbing. I thought she might be a vampire. But no, she’s just a little girl with a lot to be grateful for and a major attitude. Great job, Pam! Your caption was a very strong second!

I also loved these…

…from Robert Wooldridge,

Deb Dudley,

Wayne Parker,

and Amy Jackson.

Thank you to all of you and to everyone who submitted a caption!

And thanks to all of you who voted! We had a record turnout this month!

Anne Says: “Didn’t we all say we’d never say this? And haven’t we all said it? Cliches are cliches for a reason.”

All mothers know the mystical power of this cliché and hope it never loses that power, because there are lots of questions we wouldn’t know how to answer any other way. Because it’s been a long day, honey, and because I have already answered your question twelve different ways, and because daddy isn’t home with the scotch yet: because I’m the mother… that’s why! We feature this caption on magnets, magnetic notepads and apple-pie flavored lip balms, all perfect gifts for the know-it-all moms in your life.

Also, you can check out all of our mother and mother-in-law captions and our Mother’s Day gift selections here. Shipping is free through Mother’s Day, May 13th!

Vote for your favorite by midnight Saturday, May 5th!

Anne Says: “Nothing has brought me more joy than being a mother. However… I still remember the exhilaration (and yes, the anxiety) I felt the very first time I left my daughter alone and went shopping with my friend JoAnne. I still have the moss-green pullover I bought that day. This image celebrates that one small step away from total interdependence.”

All the moms out there should understand the feeling here – I mean we love our kids and all but we also long to pee by ourselves or jaunt unencumbered to the store just once in a while. Untangle that child from your legs, put on some walking shoes and celebrate your brief interludes of independence with this caption. We love this on canvas prints, coin purses, magnets & magnetic notepads.

And because Mom deserves some really, really good gifts this Mother’s Day to thank her for dragging her legs along for all those years even though you were clinging to them like glue whilst dropping leaves and toys down her waistband (or does only my kid do this?), we’re offering FREE SHIPPING on all orders sitewide from now through May 13th, so you can shop to your heart’s content for your mom, your mom-friends and yourself… enjoy!

Anne Says: I get a big kick out of imagining what these charming and demure housewives would say and do given half the chance. Then I give them the chance. Before I knew who this primly aproned model was I liked to imagine that she had a dragon tattooed on her derriere. But then I “met” the model. Unfortunately I didn’t get the chance to meet her in person… but I got to know the lovely Susann Shaw Connelly through several phone conversations, and I’m guessing she didn’t have anything tattooed anywhere. But I’m just guessing.”

Next time you need an attitude boost for your day, try imagining that YOU have a dragon tattooed on your derriere and see where that vision takes you… if you already do have a tattoo there then congratulations, we think you’re on the right track. This caption is perfect for the inner vixens hiding behind aprons in kitchens nationwide. We’ve paired the sentiment with plenty of handy items to keep your good-girl disguise looking top-notch: purse-sized emery boards, luscious SPF-15 lip balm, adorable mini tissues and of course a cosmetic bag to keep your items neat and organized. Find all the “guess where I’m tattooed” items here.

And speaking of tattoos, we just had to give a shout-out to one of our favorite caption contest winners of all time, whose caption still makes us snicker and snort:

Ladies, please tell us – how do you cover YOUR prison tats??!

Anne Says: “A very sweet former employee, who shall remain nameless, had her bad days just like everyone else. On those days, she would often deftly navigate a tricky phone negotiation, then hang up the phone and say “oh, bite me, bite me, bite me!” I made this little collage in her honor.”

Today is Administrative Professionals Day and we’d like to take a moment to celebrate all the hard-working folks who refrain from saying “bite me” to us on the phone. Here at the Anne Taintor, Inc. Brooklyn office we’re blessed with a team of Admins so professional and customers so delightful that most days nobody wants to bite anyone. Thanks, guys & gals.

But seriously, we all have the other kind of days sometimes too, and humor, sarcasm & ridicule are all great tactics for stress management. You need this magnet for your filing cabinet at work AND for your fridge at home…trust me you’ll thank us each time you remember to hang up before spewing obscenities.

About the captions

Anne Says: “I designed this for a dear friend who had her first child at what I thought was an insanely advanced age. (I think she was actually 39. Big deal.)”

No matter what age you become a mom, there’s no amount of warning that can prepare you for the mountain of diapers you will buy, change, wash, cry on, dress stuffed animals in (because they really, really need them)…etc. And while the experience of giving birth soon fades into a (hopefully) mostly happy memory, the diapers just keep coming, and coming, and coming. That’s why this caption is guaranteed to bring tears to a mother’s eyes and makes a great gift for all the new, old, and soon-to-be moms we will be celebrating in less than a month…

That’s right you know Mother’s Day is coming and you had better be ready. We’re releasing a very special Mother’s Day gift this year – a brand new flash drive featuring “WOW! I get to give birth AND change diapers!”. This wafer-thin 8 GB flash drive is pre-loaded with images of 10 of Anne’s fabulous motherhood designs from our archives to get you and your mom cracking up. Then fill the rest of the space on the drive with family photos, videos and special songs to make it a truly personal gift. Mom just has to plug the drive into her computer to enjoy all the content you have so thoughtfully loaded. These flash drives are a website exclusive only available at annetaintor.com. Make sure that Mom always has pics of you (or your kids) in diapers at her fingertips!

If your mother is the type who doesn’t dare to touch the computer, you can give her a sweet and practical “WOW! I get to give birth AND change diapers!” shopping bag – holds plenty of groceries and yes, more diapers. Or how about a mini note pad to jot down all those important notes her mind may be too fried to remember (“mommy brain” is a real thing people!). Find all the items with this caption here and remember to give your mother some love – every day of the year!

About the captions

Anne Says: “Yes, she really had. I was in a pissy mood one day. I was responding to a coworker concerning a request from a very lovely woman with whom we do business. I didn’t notice that the very lovely woman was copied on my coworker’s email, and I didn’t notice that I had hit Reply to All after writing “is this woman crazy???” You will notice I said “a very lovely woman with whom we do business” and not “a very lovely woman with whom we did business.” Fortunately, the lovely woman was far more mature than I. Lessons learned: 1) it’s not always about me, and 2) grow up.”

Another lesson we could learn from this incident is that Anne could really use an administrative assistant to help her get through all those frustrating emails.  In fact, administrative assistants are kind of like cocktails – we could probably all use one (or two) to help get us through the work day.  Whether we’re helpless without them

at the office 

or at home 

there are some people (you, perhaps?) without whom not a darn thing would get done.   At Anne Taintor, Inc. we have decided to celebrate Administrative Professionals Day (April 25^th) with a glorious 4 days of free shipping for all, so you can get the perfect gifts for all the most essential people in your life.  Enjoy free shipping sitewide from now through Sunday, April 22!