And then there’s the self-inflicted pain of adolescence… captured beautifully by this wonderful caption:

Some writers focused on the carpet; some focused on the mother/daughter dialog. One writer captured both with this original twist on the traditional birds & bees presentation:

It has been many years since I last picked my precarious way across my young daughter’s bedroom floor, but I still see her room in my nightmares. I’m sure every mother among us can relate to this caption:

No caption contest would be complete without a nod to cocktail hour. I love this one:

At least fifty writers submitted variations on the carpet/drapes theme, but this caption was the first submitted… and very nicely phrased:

Congratulations on winning the December caption contest and on proving to the few remaining skeptics among us that men are indeed funny! I believe that Tim Prochnow is the first male caption contest winner since Marc Bouchard co-won in June 2010. Tim, by the way, was a finalist two months ago with his hilarious “please, dear… stop pretending you understand derivatives.” Keep it coming, Tim!

It looks as though we are attracting a lot of manly talent recently. The second most popular caption was submitted by Jeffrie Givens.

Congratulations, Jeffrie!

Congratulations also to:

Katt Jurado,

Ivana Assenova,

Jen Umbertone,

and Tina Wray.

I/we got a huge kick out of all your captions.

Thank you to everyone who submitted captions. I can hardly wait for February 1st!

Second, apologies once again for my perverse sense of humor. The first finalist for December is dark, dark, dark. But yesterday morning I read a heart-breaking article on the front page of The New York Times about the practice of “délestage” in Congo.

After I finished my coffee and closed the paper, I walked up to my desk feeling sad and helpless. When I opened the December submissions and read this caption I had to laugh (a very rueful laugh). What a perfect caption for the self-congratulating couple admiring their holiday excess!

By the way, about that helpless feeling: if any of you know of an organization that actually gets food to starving Africans, please share with us.

When I chose the image for the December caption contest I was thinking “Christmas.” The second finalist has nothing to do with Christmas, but it was just too hilarious! Many captions were submitted about sleeping with the grocer; I was impressed with the subtlety of this take on the matter. Very well done!!!

And speaking of milk, I still laugh every time I read this caption:

From milk we move on to cream for some holiday fun and games:

I’m a big believer in practical gifts. So, apparently, is the writer of this wonderful caption:

And finally, a caption that captures perfectly so much of what we love about the holidays:

Frostbite:

• 1 ounce tequila
• 1 ounce heavy cream
• 1 ounce white creme de cacao
• 1/2 ounce white creme de menthe
• ice cubes
• cocoa powder for garnish

Shake the liquid ingredients vigorously with ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Sprinkle with cocoa powder for garnish.

Jane and Andrew

Jane Benson and I e-met two and a half years ago when she contacted me to inquire about writing for me. It wasn’t until this past summer, though, when we finally met face-to-face, that we knew unequivocally that we had been separated at birth.

I had recently moved from New Mexico to Maine, and I emailed Jane (who lives in Massachusetts) that since we were now neighbors we should meet. She emailed back “Sure! How’s this Sunday?” She and her amazingly delightful teenage son Andrew and I had a lovely but too-short afternoon where we learned that:

• Jane and I had both lived on Prescott Street in Cambridge, MA
• Jane and I are both terrified of social media
• Jane and I both hate entertaining and are overwhelmed by grocery stores
• Jane and I had both, on our first and only roller coaster rides – hers in Nantasket, mine in Old Orchard Beach, made promises to God premised on him getting us off the roller coasters alive

I know: we come off as a couple of world-class wusses… but really we are both very brave women… and we were quite obviously separated at birth.

Jane has been a finalist in the caption contest at least half a dozen times. This contest submission of Jane’s became a magnet this past summer:

And this Jane Benson caption is one of my all-time favorites:

Thank you Jane, for making us all laugh over and over again!

Penny Kinninger is responsible for this fabulously snarky caption:

And Lindsey McGee created two of this month’s mini-gourmets. I never look at writers’ names before choosing finalists, and I’m glad I don’t. I would have hated to have had to choose between these.

My daughter was head chef in my household from a very early age. Pat Hirsch’s caption brought back fond memories of the cooking lessons I was given by my toddler.

And honestly, what contest would be complete without a caption from Jane Benson? I swear, Jane is a finalist nine times out of ten!

Now is a great time to use those gift certificates, all you brilliant writers, while shipping is free! Thanks to everyone for your submissions!

Then pour yourself an eggnog and get started on the December caption contest. ‘Tis the season!

… unless, of course, you’re me. And this is what I want:

For the last few months I’ve been finding it harder and harder to reconcile myself with the fact that caption contest runners-up get zippo. So I’ve decided to change the rules. As we approach holiday shopping season, the timing seems perfect for a little low-key largesse, so starting with the October runners-up (sorry all you runners-up from September, August, July…) runners-up will receive $20 gift certificates to our e-store. It’s not lot, but fortunately our products are very reasonably priced. So forget about five golden rings and think magnets… or lip balm… or coin purses… or…

It reminded her so much of her Grandpa (my Dad), who couldn’t STAND it when anyone (i.e. his daughter Anne) cleared her throat or sniffled. Apparently it resonated with a lot of you because the writer, Stacy Tate, is the winner of this month’s contest – congratulations, Stacy! There were many, many submissions about poking knitting needles in eyes, in feet, down throats… but I love the way the violence is merely implied in Stacy’s caption, and implied so subtly. Well done!

The Runners Up

I loved Tim Prochnow’s caption, because really… does anyone understand derivatives? As I’ve mentioned, I don’t look at names when I’m choosing the finalists. So it wasn’t until I had the results this morning and went back to look up names that I realized Tim had written two other captions which I had regretfully eliminated at the last minute to get the finalists down to six. Funny guy.

Nathan couldn’t stop laughing at Charlie Hairston’s caption. Nathan is out doing errands now, but last I saw him he was still laughing.

I loved Sally Heapy’s caption so much it kept running through my head yesterday as Nathan read me “fascinating” tidbits from the Sunday paper, and I came dangerously close to paraphrasing right out loud.

I feel as though I know the couple conjured by Mary Hammerstrom’s wonderful caption.

And talk about short, sweet, and to the point! No beating around the bush for Shawn Brown.

Thank you all of you – these are all just wonderful!