Anne Taintor- Vintage revisted
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Captions with Attitude

Captions with Attitude

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born to be wild

Anne Says: “When I started my business I glued little pictures on little pieces of wood, glued on little words and little pin backs, and drove all over the East Coast selling them at retail craft fairs. I was broke; I was cheap. I never stayed at a hotel after the show ended. Wherever I was, I packed up my booth and headed for home, often driving into the wee small hours of the morning. To keep myself awake I sang along with the radio. One morning, after I had been driving for about six hours and I was about a mile and a half from home sweet home, Steppenwolf’s “born to be wild” came on the radio. The very next morning I glued that phrase on half a dozen pictures. This is the one that stuck.”

This caption is perfect for staying in touch with your wild self, also makes a great gift for all the free spirits in your life. Nothing says “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do” like a “born to be wild” luggage tag. Or, invite Steppenwolf into your hip pocket with these handy flasks. Take a look at all the items sporting this caption here and remember to turn your music up loud enough to stay awake all night tonight…

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what part of "I'm hung over, go home" don't you understand?

what part of "I'm hung over, go home" don't you understand?

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I'm going to be the most popular girl in rehab!

I'm going to be the most popular girl in rehab!

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Flasks $21.99

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screw the budget!

screw the budget!

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bite me

Anne Says: “A very sweet former employee, who shall remain nameless, had her bad days just like everyone else. On those days, she would often deftly navigate a tricky phone negotiation, then hang up the phone and say “oh, bite me, bite me, bite me!” I made this little collage in her honor.”

We all have those kinds of days sometimes too, and humor, sarcasm & ridicule are all great tactics for stress management. You need this magnet for your filing cabinet at work AND for your fridge at home…trust me you’ll thank us each time you remember to hang up before spewing obscenities.

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Magnets $4.99

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my garden kicks ass

Anne Says: "Before I moved to New Mexico I gave away my pruning shears. I was determined to let the desert be the desert. But it doesn’t work that way. Once you’ve disturbed the desert by building on it, and by walking and playing around your house with your dogs, it will never be the desert again. You either live surrounded by dust, tumbleweeds, and goat’s heads (if you’ve never stepped on a goat’s head before you’re in for a treat) or you make a garden. As I was gluing the words onto this image for the first time, an employee’s son, who was just starting to read, walked up behind me and read “my… garden… kicks… ANNE!!!”

I’m back in Maine, enjoying my first New England spring in 12 years. I did love the New Mexico spring – the sage changing subtly from yellow-green to blue-green, the tiny wildflowers all but hidden in the scrub – and I will be sad to miss the explosion of color in June, when the cholla cactus transform into “rose gardens.” But what a pleasure it is to stroll around my new yard and see green poking up everywhere! My Maine garden is clearly going to kick some major ass."

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Magnets $4.99

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make your own damn dinner

make your own damn dinner

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Magnets $4.99

Towels $9.99

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guess where I'm tattooed

Anne Says: "I get a big kick out of imagining what these charming and demure housewives would say and do given half the chance. Then I give them the chance. Before I knew who this primly aproned model was I liked to imagine that she had a dragon tattooed on her derriere. But then I “met” the model. Unfortunately I didn’t get the chance to meet her in person… but I got to know the lovely Susann Shaw Connelly through several phone conversations, and I’m guessing she didn’t have anything tattooed anywhere. But I’m just guessing.”

Next time you need an attitude boost for your day, try imagining that YOU have a dragon tattooed on your derriere and see where that vision takes you… if you already do have a tattoo there then congratulations, we think you’re on the right track. This caption is perfect for the inner vixens hiding behind aprons in kitchens nationwide. We’ve paired the sentiment with plenty of handy items to keep your good-girl disguise looking top-notch: purse-sized emery boards, luscious SPF-15 lip balm, adorable mini tissues and of course a cosmetic bag to keep your items neat and organized.

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Magnets $4.99

Also available on: Lip Balms, Emery Boards, Cosmetic Bags.

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funny... I don't recall asking for your opinion

Anne Says: “I’m the touchy type. I should have this tattooed on my forehead.”

This caption is perfect for the girlfriend, co-worker or mother-in-law who always gives great advice…or to keep on your fridge or desk to let everyone know you don’t need any outside opinions! Find all the items with this caption here and please remember that you are perfect just the way you are, thank you very much.

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Magnets $4.99

Mugs $9.99

Also available on: Magnetic Notepads.

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lactose is just one of the many things I don't tolerate

lactose is just one of the many things I don't tolerate

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Magnets $4.99

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I have what one might call "special needs"

I have what one might call "special needs"

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Lip Balms $4.99

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on second thought... let's get drunk and order pizza!

on second thought... let's get drunk and order pizza!

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Magnets $4.99

Towels $9.99

Also available on: Coasters.

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"high maintenance" doesn't even begin to cover it

Anne Says: “I was boarding an airplane en route to Hawaii. It’s always a little hard for me to get into vacation mode, so naturally I was thinking about captions. The man across the aisle told his friend how high maintenance his wife was, and I was not ashamed to eavesdrop.”

Sometimes husbands just don’t understand… This caption makes a perfect gift for those who choose to celebrate the often under-appreciated quality of being “high maintenance” – you, perhaps? Fill a “high maintenance” coin purse with a coordinating lip balm and mini-emery boards to make a great gift for your girlfriends. We know a mom who used the “high maintenance” totes to tote her cloth diaper laundry (and begged us for a version of this caption showing a baby). Find all the “high maintenance” items here and remember that you may be high maintenance, but you’re worth it!

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Lip Balms $4.99

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#%&@*!!!!!!

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what am I making for supper? why, sweetie, I'm making whatever the hell I want served with a side of eat it or starve

what am I making for supper? why, sweetie, I'm making whatever the hell I want served with a side of eat it or starve

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Magnets $4.99

Towels $9.99

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make your own damn dinner

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Magnets $4.99

Towels $9.99

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I believe we have an opportunity to make some extremely poor choices

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Magnets $4.99

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put on your life preserver... I'm about to rock the boat

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Magnets $4.99

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expiration dates are for the weak

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Magnets $4.99

Towels $9.99

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gosh, Mom! I'd rather eat cat poo!

gosh, Mom! I'd rather eat cat poo!

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Magnets $2.50

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you say "crazy cat lady" like it's a bad thing

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you're right! it does look like her Facebook picture!

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Magnets $4.99

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You be Thelma. I'll be Louise.

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we go together like drunk and disorderly

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Magnets $4.99

Also available on: Mugs, Mini Trays, Flasks, Coasters, Napkins.

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well, I never!!! or, at least, not recently...

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Magnets $4.99

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I knit so that I don't kill you, dear

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Magnets $4.99

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honey, I'm already at my cruising altitude

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someone is about to get herself voted off this island

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we all have our baggage

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old enough to know better... too young to give a rat's ass

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why don't you go Xerox your ass?

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Magnets $2.50

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it's so involved being me

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I love not camping

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someone has to set a bad example

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Books $16.95

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beauty: it's not just a job... it's an adventure

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Lip Balms $4.99

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an attitude is a terrible thing to waste

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honey, you couldn't handle half of me

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looking for trouble? look no further...

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Lip Balms $4.99

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why yes, I am that kind of girl

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Flasks $21.99

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inner beauty is for amateurs

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Lip Balms $4.99

Also available on: Emery Boards.

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just let my conscience be our guide

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Coasters $5.99

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the key word is "alleged"

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Lip Balms $4.99

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you mess with the kitty, you feel the claws

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I should come with a warning label

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Flasks $21.99

Lip Balms $4.99

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think of me as "unexpected turbulence"

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so...how does a bombshell like me get through security

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ever wish you could shoot some people with more than just a camera?

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make your own damn dinner

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Magnets $4.99

Towels $9.99

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all work and no play makes Jill homicidal

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honey, this asks for your occupation... shall I just write "ball-buster"?

honey, this asks for your occupation... shall I just write "ball-buster"?

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Magnets $2.50

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FYI... I never LOL

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Magnets $4.99

 
Anne Taintor is the Original Vintage Humor Company