Anne Taintor - Favorite Captions

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"gay apparel" was putting it mildly	"high maintenance" doesn't even begin to cover it
#%&@*!!!!!!	'tis the season to tie one on
...a lady president? don't be silly, sweetie!	...and then the children cleaned their rooms, got mommy her drink, and went straight to bed. The End.
...and what are you wearing?	2011 Engagement Calendar
2011 Wall Calendar	a real friend will help you hide the body
all I want is an umbrella in my drink	all she wanted for Christmas was a nap
all this and a paycheck too...	an attitude is a terrible thing to waste
and to think that I'm only using one-tenth of my brain!	and voila! margaritas for everyone!
Anne Taintor 25th Anniversary	another day in paradise...
are we there yet?	are you certain you want to interrupt my coffee break?
armed and dangerous	as promised, she served him his balls on a tray
beauty: it's not just a job, it's an adventure	because I'm the mother... that's why
bite me	born to be wild
but honey...decision-making is women's work	can I get you some toast to go with that self-satisfied grin?
can I retire now?	can't make me
change is good	cheap...at twice the price
choosy moms choose beer	did somebody say "open bar"?
do I ever question your lifestyle?	do the words "gifted and talented" mean anything to you?
do we ever question your lifestyle?	do you think my sister means it when she says we need therapy?
domestically disabled	don't fence me in
errands...housecleaning...dinner at five...how does he do it?	fortunately, she had remembered to stock up on Prozac before going home for the holidays
frugal is such an ugly word	funny... I don't recall asking for your opinion
gay marriage? I'll drink to that!	golly! liquor is quicker!
good girls go to heaven...I just need to get to Atlanta	good girls go to heaven...I just need to get to Chicago
good girls go to heaven...I just need to get to Dallas	good girls go to heaven...I just need to get to Heathrow
good girls go to heaven...I just need to get to LAX	gosh heavens, Betty, not again! you mooched a condom from me just last night...
guess where I'm tattooed	had she really hit Reply to All?!?!?
he fully appreciated the error of her ways	hell yeah, I've been naughty!
her proudest achievement was staying blonde	hmm...what can I buy today?
honey, you couldn't handle half of me	Hurrah! At last I'm 40!
Hurrah! At last I'm 50!	I believe the word you're searching for is "divine"
I believe we have an opportunity to make some extremely poor choices	I don't suffer fools gladly... but I do gladly make fools suffer
I dreamed my whole desk was clean...	I dreamed my whole house was clean...
I feel a sin coming on	I have so much... and yet I want more!
I have what one might call "special needs"	I love not camping
I should come with a warning label	I think you heard me the first time
I'll take mind-numbing chores over a fulfilling career any day!	I'm going to be the most popular girl in rehab!
I'm so happy it's happy hour	if by "happy" you mean trapped with no means of escape...? then yes, I'm happy
if by "having fun" you mean trapped with no means of escape...? then yes, we're having fun	if looks could kill women wouldn't need frying pans
if only Monday morning were as easy I am...	in the event of a water landing...bikini enclosed
inner beauty is for amateurs	it was the best rebound relationship ever
it's called a "condom", Daddy...write it down	it's not a prank call if you're wearing a tie
it's okay... I didn't want a real life anyway	just file it under "who cares?"
just let my conscience be our guide	lactose is just one of the many things I don't tolerate
let's make this an old-fashioned holiday!	looking for trouble? look no further...
make mine estrogen	make your own damn dinner
male refrigerator blindness claims another victim	martinis... they're not just for breakfast anymore
maybe I want to look cheap	medicated and motivated
more paperwork, please	multi-tasking is for suckers!
my garden kicks ass	nice! have you laid anything else recently?
NoteCase Refill Pack	now be a dear and fetch mommy her flask
now was probably not the best time to tell the kids they were Jewish	old enough to know better... too young to give a rat's ass
oops! I spent the grocery money on shoes again...	please call back when I give a damn
remember darling, there's a lot more to wearing the pants in this family than just pants	remember when stalkers called themselves "secret admirers"?
say it with carbohydrates	see? I told you I gave the best blow job
she admired his ability to rise to the occasion	she could never remember which was better... ...safe? ...or sorry?
she could see no good reason to act her age	she couldn't remember... was it one teaspoon of arsenic or two?
she had made yet another wise shopping decision	she had no intention of suffering alone
she had not yet decided whether to use her power for good... or for evil	she kind of enjoyed working for an idiot
she thought of him fondly as "Plan B"	she was a work in progress
she was comforted by the knowledge that they were helpless without her	she was one cocktail away from proving his mother right
she was one frozen entree away from a nervous breakdown	she was one plum pudding from a yuletide meltdown
size matters	so many stores... so little cash
so...how does a bombshell like me get through security	someone called...about something...
someone is about to get herself voted off this island	someone was going to have to set a bad example
spit in your soup? why ever would I do that?	stop me before I volunteer again
sublimating my ambitions has been every bit as rewarding as mother told me it would be	surely it must be five o'clock somewhere
ta-daa! now let's have a cocktail...	the day was in dire need of a Ctrl+Alt+Delete
the key word is "alleged"	the mistletoe wasn't the only thing that was going to get hammered
the oven isn't the only thing I left turned on	the secret ingredient is resentment
there was nothing passive about her aggression	they were so soft and tiny... just like her ex
think of me as "unexpected turbulence"	together we will own your grandparents
waitressing: career choice of the stars!	was it just her imagination... or were all the men in her life babies?
was she in love... or was it just allergies?	we all have our baggage
we prefer the word "discomfort"	what part of "I'm hung over, go home" don't you understand?
what's a nice girl like me doing without a drink in her hand?	whatever had she done? and with whom?
which twin has the STD?	who says children need to eat every day?
whoever said "less is more" had probably never had quite enough "more"	whoever said laughter is the best medicine had clearly never tasted scotch
why do dishes when you can do daiquiris?	why don't you go Xerox your ass?
why is it always about you?	why yes, I am overqualified
why yes, I am that kind of girl	why yes, this is real polyester
why, I'd be delighted to put my needs last again	WOW! I get to give birth AND change diapers!
You be Thelma. I'll be Louise.	you mess with the kitty, you feel the claws
you saw mommy kissing no one, understand?	you'll eat it... you'll eat it and like it
you're never too old... to try something stupid


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