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Favorite Captions from Anne Taintor

Do you have a favorite Anne Taintor caption? These are our top-selling captions for the most recent month. Click on any caption (or the image) to view the products it's available on.

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1
stop me before I volunteer again

stop me before I volunteer again

2
I love not camping

I love not camping

3
we all have our baggage

we all have our baggage

4
did somebody say "open bar"?

did somebody say "open bar"?

5
she was comforted by the knowledge that they were helpless without her

she was comforted by the knowledge that they were helpless without her

6
You be Thelma. I'll be Louise.

You be Thelma. I'll be Louise.

7
why yes, I am overqualified

why yes, I am overqualified

8
inner beauty is for amateurs

inner beauty is for amateurs

9
we go together like drunk and disorderly

we go together like drunk and disorderly

10
born to be wild

born to be wild

11
so...how does a bombshell like me get through security

so...how does a bombshell like me get through security

12
just file it under "who cares?"

just file it under "who cares?"

13
because I'm the mother... that's why

because I'm the mother... that's why

14
you're never too old... to try something stupid

you're never too old... to try something stupid

15
I can't afford to go on vacation so I'm just going to drink until I don't know where I am anymore

I can't afford to go on vacation so I'm just going to drink until I don't know where I am anymore

16
on second thought... let's get drunk and order pizza!

on second thought... let's get drunk and order pizza!

17
ta-daa! now let's have a cocktail...

ta-daa! now let's have a cocktail...

18
the voices in my head are all demanding drinks

the voices in my head are all demanding drinks

19
WTF???

WTF???

20
do I ever question your lifestyle?

do I ever question your lifestyle?

21
think of me as "unexpected turbulence"

think of me as "unexpected turbulence"

22
who are you calling an old bag?

who are you calling an old bag?

23
you have to start drinking pretty damn early if you want to stay wasted all day

you have to start drinking pretty damn early if you want to stay wasted all day

24
it's so involved being me

it's so involved being me

25
the secret ingredient is resentment

the secret ingredient is resentment

26
what's a nice girl like me doing without a drink in her hand?

what's a nice girl like me doing without a drink in her hand?

27
"high maintenance" doesn't even begin to cover it

"high maintenance" doesn't even begin to cover it

28
she had made yet another wise shopping decision

she had made yet another wise shopping decision

29
someone called...about something...

someone called...about something...

30
you know me... busy, busy!

you know me... busy, busy!

31
an attitude is a terrible thing to waste

an attitude is a terrible thing to waste

32
guess where I'm tattooed

guess where I'm tattooed

33
I'm so happy it's happy hour -

I'm so happy it's happy hour -

34
surely it must be five o'clock somewhere

surely it must be five o'clock somewhere

35
old enough to know better... too young to give a rat's ass

old enough to know better... too young to give a rat's ass

36
walk faster... the children are catching up

walk faster... the children are catching up

37
are we there yet?

are we there yet?

38
hmm... you say tomato... I say Bloody Mary!

hmm... you say tomato... I say Bloody Mary!

39
I dreamed my whole house was clean...

I dreamed my whole house was clean...

40
I truly amaze myself... this after five martinis!

I truly amaze myself... this after five martinis!

41
no...I do not think it's time to get dinner started

no...I do not think it's time to get dinner started

42
twinkle, twinkle, little cup... how'd my life get so f***ed up?

twinkle, twinkle, little cup... how'd my life get so f***ed up?

43
what am I making for supper? why, sweetie, I'm making whatever the hell I want served with a side of eat it or starve

what am I making for supper? why, sweetie, I'm making whatever the hell I want served with a side of eat it or starve

44
if you want something done right, don't give it to me on Friday afternoon

if you want something done right, don't give it to me on Friday afternoon

45
if you're going to kick ass, you need kickass shoes

if you're going to kick ass, you need kickass shoes

46
low expectations mean everyone ends up happy

low expectations mean everyone ends up happy

47
organization is for the unimaginative

organization is for the unimaginative

48
can I retire now?

can I retire now?

49
clear your throat and make that noise one more time... I dare you...

clear your throat and make that noise one more time... I dare you...

50
I should come with a warning label

I should come with a warning label

51
since giving up carbs I've been feeling a bit... oh, what's that word...? ...homicidal

since giving up carbs I've been feeling a bit... oh, what's that word...? ...homicidal

52
together we will own your grandparents

together we will own your grandparents

53
why, I'd be delighted to put my needs last again

why, I'd be delighted to put my needs last again

54
WOW! I get to give birth AND change diapers!

WOW! I get to give birth AND change diapers!

55
all this and a paycheck too...

all this and a paycheck too...

56
flattery will get you nowhere... a Mercedes, on the other hand...

flattery will get you nowhere... a Mercedes, on the other hand...

57
hmm...what can I buy today?

hmm...what can I buy today?

58
I think you heard me the first time

I think you heard me the first time

59
if by "happy" you mean trapped with no means of escape...? then yes, I'm happy

if by "happy" you mean trapped with no means of escape...? then yes, I'm happy

60
if looks could kill women wouldn't need frying pans

if looks could kill women wouldn't need frying pans

61
it has been my pleasure to ignore you

it has been my pleasure to ignore you

62
put on your life preserver... I'm about to rock the boat

put on your life preserver... I'm about to rock the boat

63
she was certain that money could buy happiness if only he'd try harder

she was certain that money could buy happiness if only he'd try harder

64
whoever said "less is more" had probably never had quite enough "more"

whoever said "less is more" had probably never had quite enough "more"

65
you say "crazy cat lady" like it's a bad thing

you say "crazy cat lady" like it's a bad thing

66
and voila! margaritas for everyone!

and voila! margaritas for everyone!

67
bite me

bite me

68
choosy moms choose beer

choosy moms choose beer

69
did somebody say "free gift with purchase"?

did somebody say "free gift with purchase"?

70
expiration dates are for the weak

expiration dates are for the weak

71
funny... I don't recall asking for your opinion

funny... I don't recall asking for your opinion

72
good girls go to heaven... I just want to go shopping

good girls go to heaven... I just want to go shopping

73
her proudest achievement was staying blonde

her proudest achievement was staying blonde

74
hurry, dear... if you miss the bus you'll have to walk 'cause mommy can't drink and drive

hurry, dear... if you miss the bus you'll have to walk 'cause mommy can't drink and drive

75
I believe we have an opportunity to make some extremely poor choices

I believe we have an opportunity to make some extremely poor choices

76
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some frikkin' sleep tonight!

I wish I may, I wish I might, get some frikkin' sleep tonight!

77
my garden kicks ass

my garden kicks ass

78
same circus... different clowns

same circus... different clowns

79
she couldn't even remember the last time she partied with adults

she couldn't even remember the last time she partied with adults

80
she was one cocktail away from proving his mother right

she was one cocktail away from proving his mother right

81
why do dishes when you can do daiquiris?

why do dishes when you can do daiquiris?

82
yippee! I get to make dinner again tomorrow!

yippee! I get to make dinner again tomorrow!

83
screw the budget!

screw the budget!

84
surely it must be five o'clock somewhere

surely it must be five o'clock somewhere

85
#%&@*!!!!!!

#%&@*!!!!!!

86
...and then the children cleaned their rooms, got mommy her drink, and went straight to bed. The End.

...and then the children cleaned their rooms, got mommy her drink, and went straight to bed. The End.

87
all I want is an umbrella in my drink

all I want is an umbrella in my drink

88
all men are created equal... interchangeable, even

all men are created equal... interchangeable, even

89
all work and no play makes Jill homicidal

all work and no play makes Jill homicidal

90
being a mom is fun but I could never do it sober

being a mom is fun but I could never do it sober

91
did we forget the children at the baggage claim... again?

did we forget the children at the baggage claim... again?

92
do you think my sister means it when she says we need therapy?

do you think my sister means it when she says we need therapy?

93
domestically disabled

domestically disabled

94
feel free to outsource this

feel free to outsource this

95
funny... he took up so much more space on the sofa...

funny... he took up so much more space on the sofa...

96
had she really hit Reply to All?!?!?

had she really hit Reply to All?!?!?

97
help! I'm on vacation, and I can't get up!

help! I'm on vacation, and I can't get up!

98
honey, you couldn't handle half of me

honey, you couldn't handle half of me

99
hopes and dreams would only distract me from making these awesome casseroles

hopes and dreams would only distract me from making these awesome casseroles

100
I have so much... and yet I want more!

I have so much... and yet I want more!

101
I knit so that I don't kill you, dear

I knit so that I don't kill you, dear

102
I'd love to wear low necklines too, but they don't cover my prison tats

I'd love to wear low necklines too, but they don't cover my prison tats

103
it depends... are you going for gay or straight?

it depends... are you going for gay or straight?

104
it's not you, darling... it's your limited earning potential

it's not you, darling... it's your limited earning potential

105
jeepers, mom! i'd drink too if I had to do this all day!

jeepers, mom! i'd drink too if I had to do this all day!

106
just let my conscience be our guide

just let my conscience be our guide

107
lactose is just one of the many things I don't tolerate

lactose is just one of the many things I don't tolerate

108
laundry! grocery shopping! carpool! and it's not even my birthday!

laundry! grocery shopping! carpool! and it's not even my birthday!

109
looking for trouble? look no further...

looking for trouble? look no further...

110
make your own damn dinner

make your own damn dinner

111
make your own damn dinner

make your own damn dinner

112
napping... it's not just for toddlers any more

napping... it's not just for toddlers any more

113
oops! I spent the grocery money on shoes again...

oops! I spent the grocery money on shoes again...

114
she could see no good reason to act her age

she could see no good reason to act her age

115
size matters

size matters

116
so, men... it's official: we don't know a damn thing about women

so, men... it's official: we don't know a damn thing about women

117
someone has to set a bad example

someone has to set a bad example

118
someone is about to get herself voted off the island

someone is about to get herself voted off the island

119
thanks to "homeschooling" Margaret didn't need to hire a maid

thanks to "homeschooling" Margaret didn't need to hire a maid

120
there's a very fine line between medicated and over-medicated

there's a very fine line between medicated and over-medicated

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