Anne Taintor - Favorite Captions

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"high maintenance" doesn't even begin to cover it	#%&@*!!!!!!
...a lady president? don't be silly, sweetie!	...and then the children cleaned their rooms, got mommy her drink, and went straight to bed. The End.
...and what are you wearing?	a real friend will help you hide the body
all I want is an umbrella in my drink	all this and a paycheck too...
an attitude is a terrible thing to waste	and to think that I'm only using one-tenth of my brain!
and voila! margaritas for everyone!	Anne Taintor 25th Anniversary
another day in paradise...	another day, another mission of mercy
are we there yet?	armed and dangerous
as promised, she served him his balls on a tray	beauty; it's not just a job it's an adventure
because I'm the mother... that's why	bite me
born to be wild	but honey...decision-making is women's work
can I retire now?	can't make me
change is good	cheap...at twice the price
do the words "gifted and talented" mean anything to you?	domestically disabled
don't fence me in	errands...housecleaning...dinner at five...how does he do it?
frugal is such an ugly word	funny... I don't recall asking for your opinion
gay marriage? I'll drink to that!	golly! liquor is quicker!
gosh heavens, Betty, not again! you mooched a condom from me just last night...	guess where I'm tattooed
had she really hit Reply to All?!?!?	has anyone seen my hormones?
he fully appreciated the error of her ways	her proudest achievement was staying blonde
hmm...what can I buy today?	honey, you couldn't handle half of me
Hurrah! At last I'm 40!	Hurrah! At last I'm 50!
I believe the word you're searching for is "divine"	I believe we have an opportunity to make some extremely poor choices
I dreamed my whole desk was clean...	I dreamed my whole house was clean...
I feel a sin coming on	I have so much... and yet I want more!
I have what one might call "special needs"	I love not camping
I should come with a warning label	I think you heard me the first time
I'll take mind-numbing chores over a fulfilling career any day!	I'm so happy it's happy hour
if by "happy" you mean trapped with no means of escape...? then yes, I'm happy	if looks could kill women wouldn't need frying pans
inner beauty is for amateurs	it was the best rebound relationship ever
it would, of course, have to look like an accident	it's called a "condom", Daddy...write it down
it's not a prank call if you're wearing a tie	it's okay... I didn't want a real life anyway
just file it under "who cares?"	just let my conscience be our guide
lactose is just one of the many things I don't tolerate	let's ignore our mothers' well-meant advice
looking for trouble? look no further...	make mine estrogen
make your own damn dinner	male refrigerator blindness claims another victim
martinis... they're not just for breakfast anymore	maybe I want to look cheap
medicated and motivated	more paperwork, please
my garden kicks ass	nice! have you laid anything else recently?
NoteCase Refill Pack	now be a dear and fetch mommy her flask
now that he had bought the cow, the milk was going to be extraordinarily expensive	old enough to know better... too young to give a rat's ass
oops! I spent the grocery money on shoes again...	please call back when I give a damn
remember darling, there's a lot more to wearing the pants in this family than just pants	remember when stalkers called themselves "secret admirers"?
remember, sweetheart... mommy loves you, but she doesn't have to like you	say it with carbohydrates
see? I told you I gave the best blow job	she admired his ability to rise to the occasion
she could never remember which was better... ...safe? ...or sorry?	she could no longer pretend that he wasn't an idiot
she could see no good reason to act her age	she couldn't remember... was it one teaspoon of arsenic or two?
she had made yet another wise shopping decision	she had no intention of suffering alone
she had not yet decided whether to use her power for good... or for evil	she kind of enjoyed working for an idiot
she thought of him fondly as "Plan B"	she was a work in progress
she was comforted by the knowledge that they were helpless without her	she was one cocktail away from proving his mother right
she was one frozen entree away from a nervous breakdown	size matters
so many stores... so little cash	someone called...about something...
someone was going to have to set a bad example	spit in your soup? why ever would I do that?
stop me before I volunteer again	sublimating my ambitions has been every bit as rewarding as mother told me it would be
surely it must be five o'clock somewhere	ta-da! now let's have a cocktail...
the day was in dire need of a Ctrl+Alt+Delete	the key word is "alleged"
the real "mystery" was why she had married his fat ass in the first place	the secret ingredient is resentment
there was nothing passive about her aggression	they were so soft and tiny... just like her ex
together we will own your grandparents	true, there were side effects
waitressing: career choice of the stars!	was it just her imagination... or were all the men in her life babies?
was she in love... or was it just allergies?	we all have our baggage
we prefer the word "discomfort"	what muffled screams, officer?
what part of "I'm hung over, go home" don't you understand?	whatever had she done? and with whom?
which twin has the STD?	who says children need to eat every day?
whoever said "less is more" had probably never had quite enough "more"	why do dishes when you can do daiquiris?
why is it always about you?	why yes, I am overqualified
why yes, I am that kind of girl	WOW! I get to give birth AND change diapers!
You be Thelma. I'll be Louise.	you can't TiVo this, honey
you mess with the kitty, you feel the claws	you'll eat it... you'll eat it and like it


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